The Hole-y Bucket of Humility

"There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza, there's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, a hole." 

"Then fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry, then fix it, dear Henry . . . " 

"With what shall I fix it, dear Liza, dear Liza . . ." 

The hole-y bucket of religious humility. There's a big hole right in the middle (or worse, the bottom) where the good stuff gushes out. You always feel half-empty in your relationship with God, instead of full to the brim with courage, trust, gratitude, and devotion. Photo credit JAT 2014.

You probably know this song from your childhood. We used to sing it at Brownies and at summer camp. It always made us laugh when we got to the punchline of the song: the bucket that started the song because it had a hole in it was the tool that was needed by Henry and Liza to fix said bucket. Without an un-holey bucket, they couldn't fix the hole-y bucket. But they only had one bucket -- the one with the hole in it. It was a circular argument.  

The orthodox Western Church's teachings on humility are exactly like this childhood song.

Before I talk about the Church's teachings on humility, though, I want to talk about a different core virtue, one that's never discussed in the church. This is the core virtue of humbleness. Humbleness is what Jesus taught. 

By contrast, humility is what Paul taught. Humbleness is a feeling that sort of settles into the middle of your heart after you find redemption. Humbleness is the natural state of thinking, feeling, behaving, and understanding that you end up with when you accept the redemptive power of God's forgiveness in your life. Humbleness is your natural soul state. It's who you really are underneath all the bullshit layers of status addiction. It's a deep sense of trust in yourself -- not a sense of pride or hubris, but a sense of trust. It's an unshakable sense of acceptance. It's a sense that God made you to be a particular person, and that's the only person you can be. So you stop fighting your inner self. And you become free to become your inner self.  

That's what humbleness is. It's a state of absolute freedom from the tyranny of status addiction. Once you're free from the constant voice of status addiction in your head -- the constant judging of yourself, the constant comparing of yourself to others, the constant criticism of others, the perfectionism, the self-pity, the lack of common sense, the lack of peace, comfort, and safety in your life -- once you're free of all that you can begin to like yourself as a person. (Wouldn't that be a refreshing change?)  

A humble person is free to make choices based on a whole new set of criteria. A humble person isn't worried about getting more status, so a humble person is free to practise the virtues of common sense. A humble person isn't trying to be somebody he's not, so a humble person doesn't feel guilty about following his calling. A humble person thinks it's wrong to accuse of God of being too stupid or too lazy to make souls that are all different from each other yet all equally beautiful and worthy. A humble person shows her love and respect for God by trying every day to be who she really is, instead of trying to be somebody she's not. A humble person knows his limits.  

This is not what the Church means when the Church talks about humility.  

The traditional orthodox Western position is that no human being (except that Jesus dude) has ever been truly worthy of God's love and trust. The Church starts with the assumption that you are a bucket (aka "a vessel") with a big, fat hole in the bottom. 

You are a bucket that needs to be fixed. All your courage and your faith have been draining out through the hole. Obviously, the hole needs to be patched. You must use your free will and your self-discipline to patch the hole so "the vessel that is you" can contain the love of Christ. But you must also practise humility. Humility demands that you not consider yourself a bucket at all, because then you'd be able to carry your own portion of courage and faith, which you're not allowed to have, because that would be presumptuous. Only when you rejoice in the fact that you're a bucket with a humongous hole in the bottom will you be able to feel Christ's love flowing through you and out into the world through the hole. You must therefore be a hole-y bucket in order to fix the hole-y bucket that is you.  

Catch 22, anyone? 

Let's imagine instead that the hole-y bucket is your biological brain/central nervous system. This bucket admittedly has a few holes in it by the time you've grown up. But these holes are fixable. More importantly, the holes are not you. They're not the real you. They're damaged biological parts that need to be healed (same as clogged arteries or a broken arm). So you find some qualified people who can help you heal them. Slowly, one by one, the holes begin to heal. You begin to discover somewhat to your surprise that you -- you, yourself, and you -- are capable of startling feats of compassion. The more healed your bucket, the more love and courage and faith your bucket is able to hold.  

Go figure. Who would guess that a bucket without a big hole in it would actually hold more of the good stuff (like love and forgiveness) than a hole-y bucket? 

Gee whiz, Mother and Father, that's, like, totally unfair of you to make our reality as humans so logical! 

Mother and Father, you rock!